Letting Go
by Lynn Cheshire
Summary: A really old fic. Taichi needs to let go of those he's lost. Rated R for violence and mild sexual content. TaiSo and YamaTai.


Letting Go  
Lynn Cheshire (guenhwyvar85@yahoo.com)  
  
Notes: I'm so very proud of this fic ^_^ It came out just the way I wanted it. It's based on a dream I had and takes place during the first season, although you might want to alter their ages for this. Very dark and very sad, I cried when I wrote it ;_; all about Taichi having to let go of past loves.  
  
// Symbolizes thoughts.  
  
--------------------  
  
Taichi shoved his free hand in his coat pocket as he trudged through the cold autumn air. He let out a puff of breath slowly and quietly and continued his trek up the hill to the entrance of the cemetery. The tall, iron gate loomed before him like a portal to past wounds. He slowly pushed the gate open and, though he expected it to creek, it opened silently and smoothly.   
  
"Swell" he commented blandly and shut it behind him. A gust of icy wind blew past him; he brought his free hand up and around the collar of his coat. He felt a great temptation to turn and run the other way back home to warmth, away from this place that brought back so many memories of the past. Memories of Fear, of Pain, and of... Love.   
  
He brushed the thoughts from his mind and headed up the rest of the hill. On his way he past by many of the graves, most of people he had never heard of and more than likely no one even remembered them. Life was so frail; Taichi had taken it for granted during his youth, perhaps too much. He had lost the two people he cared for the most, even more then his little sister, Hikari, the only two people he had ever granted a special place in his heart.   
  
He closed his eyes and sighed then looked up at the top of the hill. Under a cherry tree stood two graves, both pail grey, a shame considering the rich souls of the people they were in memory of. Taichi paused for a moment then walked up to the graves. He stood there looking down at them, could he bring himself to face their writing? To face the names etched in the stone, and in his heart, for all time? Could he really do this to himself again? After so many years what was the point?   
  
//You need to move on.// a voice from within, or perhaps without, said. Taichi nodded at the silent wisdom and shakily slumped to his knees before the graves. He kept his eyes to the grown, still not able to face the words on the stone.   
  
//If you do not look, you can never forgive, and if you never forgive you can never move on.// a different voice this time said.   
  
Taichi shut his eyes tightly and whispered. "I know" He slowly brought his head up level with the graves and very slowly opened his eyes. He felt tears well up from within him as he read the names...   
  
"R.I.P.  
Ishida Yamato   
  
R.I.P.  
Takenouchi Sora"  
  
Tears began to roll down his cheeks like rain and he buried his face in his hands. "Why?!" he babbled between gasps. "Why God?-...Why-...them?! They were...my best-...friends!" He began to cough as his breath jerked from the sobs that cut through his throat. He took a deep breath and tried to let it out slowly, but it came out staggered and harsh. Then, in the faintest of whispers, not audible to anyone but him and God, he added one last statement, one he had not voiced since that black day 10 years ago. "I...loved them..."   
  
-----  
  
It was a day like any other care free day in the Digital World, days like this were few and far between especially for Taichi and his friends.   
  
Taichi, and Sora, were playing soccer in a forest clearing while Yamato sat on a rock playing his harmonica and looking at the roaring waterfall. The others, Jou, Mimi, Koushirou, Takeru and Hikari, had gone exploring downstream with the  
Digimon.  
  
"Come on Taichi! You can do better then that! Sora said as Taichi tripped over the soccer ball and fell face first into the dirt. He coughed out the dirt that coated his mouth and rolled over with a moan. Sora stood over him. "You OK?" she asked giving him a playful smile and extending a helping hand   
  
Taichi's heart melted as she looked at him. Her short, reddish-brown hair and her sparkling eyes, her soft skin, it was enough to make him want to sing, something which he didn't do too well. He coughed once more and nodded. "I'm fine" he said and accepted her hand.   
  
She pulled him up and their eyes locked in a stare. Taichi's breath stopped in his throat and he swallowed hard at the awkwardness of the moment. Sora looked down at their still locked grasp. "You can let go of my hand now" She said softly.  
  
Taichi blushed as he dropped her hand and scratched the back of his neck. He looked away from Sora fearing what she must be thinking of him, yet, at the same time, wishing he knew how she felt. //Does she know how much I care for her? He wondered. //Would she understand if I told her... told her...-// His thoughts were cut of from a rustling sound. Taichi spun around and looked in the direction it was coming from. Yamato stood there looking like his usual, passive self.   
  
"Just wanted to let you know that I was going to go look for the others" he said calmly then headed off down stream. Taichi watched him as he went. He could never understand Yamato, lord, how he tried but there was always something about him that didn't really click. Taichi looked to him as a friend but...  
  
"Taichi?" Sora said quietly and she fiddled at the dirt with her shoe.   
  
"Yes?" Taichi asked as he turned to her.   
  
"Um... well... I need to ask you something and I need you to be completely honest with me, OK?" She said as she bit her bottom lip.  
  
"Sure." he said cheerfully, trying to get her to lighten up.   
  
"Well um... we've been friend for a long time, ne?"   
  
"Hai"   
  
"And well... we seem to get along really well, right?"   
  
"Yeah"   
  
"So um... do you... like me?" she asked in the most timid manner.   
  
"Um... I... I guess so. I mean we've been friends for a long time now" Taichi mumbled not really sure was she was driving at.   
  
"No that's not what I mean. Do you... do you love me?" she said as she blushed deeply.   
  
Taichi's jaw dropped. Did he? He had always been attracted to her but did he love her? "I... I um... well I" He stuttered uncontrollably. Oh how he longed to run after Yamato, he hated situations like these, too much was at stake. A lifelong friendship, a team he needed to keep together, why did this need to happen now?  
  
Sora looked up at him, tears began to roll down her cheeks and she ran off towards the waterfall. "I'm sorry," She cried.   
  
"Sora! Wait!" Taichi shouted as he ran after her. She almost jumped off a rock and into the cool water but Taichi stopped her by garbing her arm. "Sora, please" He said in a tender and gentle tone. "Let me speak" Taichi's eyes were pleading and Sora just nodded. "All right that's better" He said as he dropped her arm. "What I was trying to say was... well... um... I guess I -" He was suddenly silenced as Sora kissed him. Taichi's eyes went wide as he was tempted to pull away but then he began to relax and loosen up. He was almost sorry when  
Sora parted from him and he stood there looking dumbfound.  
  
Sora blushed deeply. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that it's just you look so cute when you're confused and I couldn't help myself." she turned away and looked at the waterfall. Taichi was still in a state of surprise and confusion No one had ever kissed him like that before, no one had ever said he was cute before! He took a step closer to Sora and touched her arm gently.  
  
"Sora" He said softly and she turned to look at him with timid eyes. "I love you too" She smiled and before she could say another word, Taichi tilted her chin up with a loving hand and kissed her fully and passionately. Her arms came up and under his shirt and wrapped themselves around his chest. Taichi felt his heart sing as he was filled with pure pleasure he could only imagine what Sora was feeling, no doubt the same things. They stayed like that on the rock, their body temperatures rising with each passing moment. Finally Taichi parted from Sora and looked down into her eyes.  
  
"Sora, do you...? Would you let me..? Can we...?" Taichi stuttered having never asked someone this question and not knowing how to go about it.   
  
"Yes!" She said feverishly. Taichi smiled and took her had. They jumped down off the rock and found a secluded place closer to the waterfall and far out of site.  
It was a small crevice with soft moss covering the ground. He twirled Sora around so that they we facing each other and he rested his forehead on hers and looked deep into her eyes.  
  
"Are you ready for this?" he asked one last time.  
  
"Yes, Taichi, I love you and I want that love to be complete." She said in a serious tone.   
  
Taichi smiled and kissed her. Then he wrapped his arms around her and she brought her hand up and removed his goggles then her arms came up over his chest and began to unbutton his shirt as he struggled to remove his shorts, almost falling over twice before he had it right. He looked to her as she calmly slipped her shirt over her head then undid her jeans giving him a wink when she was done. He took her hand loving in his and gently lowered her down onto the mossy earth then he lay down next to her.  
  
"Taichi" Sora said softly and he looked into her eyes. "Have you ever done this before?" she asked. Taichi blushed and shook his head. Sora put her hand on his cheek. "That makes two of us." she said then kissed him before he could say anything. Taichi ran his hand alone her slender body up from her hip over her chest and along her back. He carefully undid her bra and slipped it off her then moved his hand gently over her body once more.  
  
While he was doing this Sora ran her hand along his chest and down past his waist, she took a small pleasure in knowing she had been to places on him no other girl had ever been before. She kissed along his chest and up around his neck until they were truly ready...   
  
-----  
  
Two hours later the others had returned and everyone was sitting around a blazing fire as the land was bathed in a golden glow from the setting sun. Taichi and Sora, as hard as they tried, couldn't hide their joy. It came out in the silent looks that were exchanged, the way they cuddled by the fire, and how Taichi would hold Sora's hand every-now-and-then and Sora would giggle at him. The others seemed unfazed by their actions and went about their usual small talk like they always did. The only one who seemed troubled was Yamato. Taichi could only wonder...   
  
"... The beach was so beautiful! The waves were just like back home!" Mimi exclaimed.   
  
"Truly Prodigious. There was this one wave that would have swept Jou away if Gomamon hadn't pulled him out." Koushirou commented as he typed away at his computer. Jou blushed slightly.   
  
Taichi was listening with only half interest; he glanced at Jou then locked eyes with Sora again. She looked so beautiful in the sunset air, the last raise of light reflecting off her silky hair and twinkling in her radiant eyes. He squeezed her hand gently and rubbed their noses together. He gave her a small peck on the cheek. They both giggled lightly.  
  
From the corner of his eye Taichi saw Yamato get up roughly from his seat on a log and stagger off towards the waterfall. There was a hint of agitation in his walk and a feeling of regret emanated from him. Takeru looked up at him. "Oniichan?" he questioned innocently.   
  
"Not now, Takeru." Yamato snapped, harshly then disappeared through the bushes.  
  
Taichi watched as he went, there was something strange going on with Yamato, ever since he had come back from his trek with the others. Taichi couldn't put his finger on it but there was... something...   
  
Taichi stood up and let go of Sora's hand, she looked up at him, confusion in her eyes. He gave her a grave nod and walked off slowly in the direction Yamato had gone. He pushed the busses aside, his thoughts wondering as he went.   
  
//Why is Yamato acting so weird? Was it something I said? Did? He's never acted like this... has he? Oh, why is that guy so hard to understand?! Now Sora...  
Sora is... well she's Sora!//  
  
Taichi could hear the faint sound of Yamato's harmonica floating over to him from where Yamato sat on a rock overlooking the pool at the base of the waterfall. The song was soft and mournful, not like what he usually plaid. This was almost sad. It has been said that a musical interment reflects what's in one's heart, if that is true then what could be making Yamato so sad?   
  
Taichi shook his head and walked, quietly over to where his friend sat. At first he stood just behind him, not knowing if Yamato wanted to talk or not, finally he sat down on the hard rock next to him. He stared at the water as Yamato plaid his melody, the flow of the current was almost hypnotic and the music only added to it's magic.   
  
Finally the serenade ended and Yamato placed his harmonica back in his pocket.  
He put his hands, palms down, on either side of him and arched his shoulders, he seamed very timid, not at all his calm, cool self. For a while Taichi just sat there in the silence and didn't look at Yamato, finally he spoke up.   
  
"That was a pretty tune," He said softly.   
  
"Yeah..." Yamato agreed in a wistful manner. "It was my mom's favorite back home. I used to play it for her whenever she needed something to take her mind off of life. I must have plaid it a hundred times, yet she never grew tired of it, but then... then my folks got the divorce and she left with Takeru." He paused and lowered his head. "God I miss her..."   
  
Taichi put his arm around his friend and held him tightly for a few moments. "I miss my mom, too. That's why we need to win this damn war..."   
  
"It's not just that..." Yamato said as he pulled away and looked into the water.   
  
"Oh?" Taichi questioned.   
  
"You wouldn't understand." He said softly.   
  
"Try me."   
  
Yamato looked up at Taichi, his eyes were filled with regret and a deep sorrow, but the was a trace of something else, something Taichi had seen in his eyes before. Yamato looked as if her were about to say something but instead he got up from his spot on the rock and started to walk off towards the waterfall.   
  
Taichi watched as he went and tried to add up something in his mind. It was like he was putting together a puzzle but the pieces didn't quite fit. He thought about the times he had seen that look in Yamato's eyes before, it was almost like he was... Suddenly it hit him. Like a bolt of lightning realization sunk in. Every time he had seen that look it was because Taichi was with... Sora.  
That same cold stare... it was there more now then ever. It could only mean one thing... //jealousy...//  
  
Taichi rose to his feet and shouted at Yamato. "You!" he said with in disdainful spat.   
  
Yamato stopped and glanced over his shoulder. "What?"   
  
"You! I can't believe I didn't see it until now. All this time, you've been jealous!"   
  
Yamato open his mouth as if he was going to protest, but he realized it was a futile effort. He hung his head and slumped his shoulders. "So, now you know" he looked up at the rolling clouds and the first few stars then gave a laugh, it sounded cold and uncaring. Taichi just stood there, he wasn't sure what to do.   
  
"I'm not dense, Yamato" He said coldly. "I've seen the way you look at her, well you can go to hell for all I care because she loves me, not you" He said the last part in great hatred.   
  
Yamato spun around and faced Taichi; the look he gave him was one of shock and bafflement. "Oh my God, you really are stupid! I don't love Sora, for the love of Angemon; I can't stand Sora half the time. You of all people should see that, but no you're off in your fantasy world and don't give a damn about the rest of us because we don't matter, not one bit." Yamato crossed his arms over his chest, walked over to the edge of the water and bowed his head.   
  
Taichi was really confused; he thought he had figured it out but... "Well, if you don't love Sora then why do you act so strange every time we're together?"   
  
For a long time Yamato said nothing. They both stood there, not a foot apart, two souls caught in a void that could swallow them up if they weren't careful. Taichi was beginning to wonder if Yamato had heard him, but slowly as if under a spell Yamato turned to face Taichi, and, much to the amazement of the latter, he had tears in his eyes.   
  
"You don't see it do you?" he said softly.   
  
Taichi, whose mouth was open from awe, just shook his head. Yamato looked down for a moment then back up at Taichi, a single tear rolled down his cheek. "Do you really want to know?" the question was soft and Taichi wasn't sure if it was meant for him or Yamato. Before he could make up his mind Yamato leaned over and kissed him gently on the lips. Taichi was almost pleased at first, then realization sunk in and he pulled away.  
  
"What the hell was that?!" he shouted and he stared at Yamato who now had tears streaming down his face.   
  
"What do you think it was?" Yamato said as he looked away.   
  
"Why?"   
  
Yamato closed his eyes. "Because I love you, Taichi" the words seemed painful and unwanted... but they were true.   
  
Taichi was in a state of total confusion. His best friends, the two people he cared about the most had told him that they loved him in the same day. He scratched the back of his neck and looked away from Yamato. The most confusing thing was Taichi had liked it when Yamato kissed him.   
  
//No! I am NOT gay. He thought to himself //I love Sora, NOT YAMATO!!!... Then why can't I get the picture of us kissing out of my head? Why wont this feeling go away? What's wrong with me?!//  
  
"Look" Yamato said sharply and Taichi turned to face him. "You don't love me so it doesn't really matter, but understand that I had to tell you." he shoved his hands into his pockets and began to walk off but Taichi grabbed him by the arm.   
  
"No, wait." he said in an almost ordering voice. Yamato turned and glared at Taichi's hand.   
  
"Let go of me," he said, his voice dripping with both hatred and sadness. Taichi blinked in surprise and dropped his arm.   
  
"Look, Yamato, you've got to understand my position here, two people say they love me and I don't know if this is a good thing or a bad thing or whatever." He paused. "God, this is so hard" Taichi sighed as he looked up at the stars.   
  
"Life sucks, doesn't it?" Yamato asked in a faint voice.   
  
Taichi looked to his friend and he ran some figures through his head. //Is it possible to love two people? Is it possible for a guy to love a guy like that? or rather is it *wrong* for a guy to love a guy like that?//  
  
"No" Taichi whispered and Yamato looked at him strangely. "I... I guess I don't really love Sora as much as I thought if I'm considering..." //Go on Taichi, say it// "Considering you and me"  
  
Yamato's emotions didn't change. "Considering?" he asked dryly.   
  
Taichi couldn't stand it anymore, if he was going to do this he was going to do it right. He grabbed Yamato by the collar and pulled him into a passionate kiss. Taichi thought that being with Sora had been the greatest experience of his life, but just one kiss from Yamato blew all thoughts of the girl with the blue hat from his mind. Yamato was surprised at first but then he loosened and fell into the moment.   
  
They stood there kissing in the moonlight, the gentle roaring of the nearby waterfall adding to their blissful passion. Unknown to them, a pair of scornful eyes watched them. Oh, if only they had know the fate which was to be their destiny. If they had only heard that familiar voice utter it's vow of vengeance.   
  
"You will pay for this, Taichi, you and your precious Yamato. If I can't have you the no one can!"   
  
-----  
  
It was now late and the moon was high above the boys' heads as they ran through the forest together, laughing from pure joy that welled up from within them and erupted from their souls. Then continued to run until they emerged into a clearing just above the rushing waterfall. Yamato twirled Taichi around so that they were facing each other.   
  
"Should we tell the others?" Taichi asked.   
  
Yamato shook his head. "No... well... not yet at least. Let's wait a while, besides I'd rather not spring this on Takeru, he might not take it so well."   
  
Taichi nodded and kissed Yamato's cheek lightly. "I kind of like the idea of having a secret between us, one that the others don't know about."   
  
"Yeah, me too."   
  
Yamato wrapped Taichi up in a warm embrace. The night was perfect; it was just warm enough so that they weren't shivering and cool enough for them to be comfortable. The moon was shining brightly and the stars littered the sky. Nothing could ruin this moment, nothing...   
  
Just then they Yamato heard a snap of branches behind Taichi and he looked up. A shadow figure stood at the edge of the clearing. Yamato couldn't quite make out who it was in the darkness. He let go of Taichi and squinted at the person. Taichi looked questioningly at Yamato then turned around to see what he had seen.   
  
"Hello?" he asked cautiously.   
  
The figure took a step closer and emerged into the moonlight.   
  
"Sora?" Yamato questioned.   
  
"Sora!" Taichi exclaimed suddenly going very pail. "I um... er... um..."   
  
"SHUT UP!" She snarled. "You... you bastard! I can't believe I was with you. How could I have ever loved you?!"   
  
"Sora, please, let me explain, I... um." Taichi babbled on, but it was no use.  
Sora had crossed all bounds of sanity. She raised her right hand to eye's level. Taichi jaw dropped for, in Sora's small, soft hand, was a hard, black gun.  
"Sora! Where the hell did you get that?!"   
  
"It's the Digital World, Taichi. Remember the phone booths, and the refrigerator? Things just appeared here, for one reason or another. Now, Yagami Taichi, you Jerk, this is my gift to you." slowly a cool, calm finger closed around the trigger.   
  
"NO!" Yamato shouted a split second before the shot rang through the night.  
Taichi saw everything as if in slow motion. The bullet flew from the barrel, and the loud sound of the shot was coupled with the shattering of glass as Sora's crest exploded into a thousand sparkling pieces. Yamato's voice was as slow as the rest and Taichi felt a stab of fear pierce his heart just as Yamato stepped in front of him and protected his love from the pain of death. This all happened in less time then it takes to blink but Taichi saw it as if it took a million years. He wanted to scream, but his breath was caught in his throat. He wanted to run but his legs were frozen in time. All he could do was watch, watch as a deadly bullet buried itself into Yamato's strong chest. He was thrown back and  
Taichi caught him just as Yamato's knees buckled.   
  
Taichi slowly lowered Yamato to the ground and rested his love's head on his lap. He closed his eyes tightly and uttered a silent prayer. //Oh please God no, not this, don't let it end this way. Not here...//  
  
Yamato coughed slightly and looked up at Taichi. "I... I'm sorry..."   
  
Yamato coughed again. "Ta- Taichi I... need you to take care of Takeru... for... for me..."   
  
"Don't talk like that. You are not going to die. Takeru... he needs you to be there for him." Taichi paused for a moment before he continued. "I need you..."   
  
Yamato's face grew solemn and he looked away from Taichi. "No, Taichi... you never needed me... or any of us... you were the strength that kept us together for... for so long. I... I am dying and... you need to stay strong for the others. They need you now, more than ever." Yamato looked into his loves eyes.  
"I... I love... you..." He coughed one last time as all life drained from him and he went limp in Taichi's arms.   
  
Taichi closed his eyes and a tear rolled down his cheek. It remained there for a moment before it fell, twinkling like a star, and landed on Yamato's Crest, which began to glow in a blinding light. Some unseen force, out of the tag, pulled the Crest, and it hovered just in front of Taichi. He watched it for a moment but as he reached out to touch it, it burst into tinny, sparkling specs that flew off into the wind. Taichi looked back down at Yamato, as more tears fell, and he gave him one last kiss.   
  
"What have I done?!" came a faint whisper from behind. Taichi spun around and glared at Sora, who was also crying. Taichi couldn't tell if it was from grief or from the pain of the shards of her broken Crest that had ripped at her chest leaving it bleeding and raw. She just shook her head then looked down at the gun still clasped in her hand. She gave a slight smirk. "You know, I wondered why there were two bullets... I guess now I know." Slowly and smoothly she brought the gun up and held it to the side of her head. "Sayonara, Taichi-kun." She said, almost jokingly.   
  
"Sora no!" Taichi tried to shout but his voice was raspy. Yet again Sora's delicate finger closed over the trigger. This time was for the last time, as Taichi heard the ear shattering thunder echo from the near by mountains. Taichi closed his eyes as Sora's body felt limb onto the cold earth. He tried to stand but his legs would not move. Grabbing hold of Yamato's shoulders he gently pulled him over and rested him next to Sora. Taichi knelt by there feet and wept.   
  
He stood there for a long time until he felt a hand rest on his shoulder. He looked up and into the teary eyes of Takeru. Taichi tried to say something to comfort him but was stopped when Takeru wrapped him up in a strong hug. Taichi returned the hug and rocked back and forth slightly, trying to comfort Takeru and trying to calm himself at the same time. He looked past the boy and saw a very tearful Mimi wrapped up in Jou's arms. Hikari walked over and put a hand on her brother's back. "I'm sorry..." She said softly and Taichi just nodded.   
  
Taichi's eyes fell on Koushirou who was standing near the Digimon. As Taichi looked closer he saw that they were gathered around Gabumon and Piyomon who were lying on the ground in the same positions that their human counter-parts were.  
Koushirou latter explained that they had fallen when the gunshots were heard and that's when they had learned of their friend's sad fates.   
  
In the days that followed Yamato and Sora's bodies were sent back to the Human World to be given a proper funeral. The rest of the Chosen Children went on to free the Digital World, but they were never the same...   
  
-----  
  
Taichi shivered as an icy winded whipped through the cemetery. His tears had long since dried. He looked at the graves again and bowed his head.   
  
"Why did you leave me?"   
  
//Because it was time.//  
  
Taichi closed his eyes and saw Yamato's youthful face smiling at him, his passive blue eyes telling everything, and nothing.   
  
//It is time to let go.//   
  
He squinted his eyes tightly and saw Sora give her cheerful and encouraging smile.   
  
Taichi opened his eyes again as a single tear fell from his cheek and landed on the cold stone by the graves. He opened his right hand and two red, long stem roses fell and landed near the teardrop. He took a deep breath and stood up. "I still love you guys, now more then ever, but... I need to get on with my life." Taichi shoved his hands in his pockets and slowly made his way to the iron gate. He pushed it open and took one last look at the two graves on the hill. "Good bye, my friends." with that he shut the door behind him and disappeared into the mist.   
  
~Owari~ 


End file.
